Blonde jokes....

[Hllywd76]

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????'

CAR
TROUBLE​

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. ​

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She says, 'What's the story?' ​

​

He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'.​

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She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?' ​

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SPEEDING
TICKET​

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. ​

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!' ​

RIVER
WALK​

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' ​

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.' ​

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE​

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. ​

'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.' ​

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. ​

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? ​

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' ​

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.' ​

KNITTING​

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! ​

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' ​

'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!' ​

BLONDE
ON THE SUN​

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. ​

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' ​

The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' ​

The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. ​

'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. ​

To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!' ​

IN A
VACUUM​

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' ​

FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! ​

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!​

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Sent to me by a blonde...​

​

Hllywd​

 

[bkill]

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.
"There are no fish under the ice!!"
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"
The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"